I've been really struggling to find the motivation to write these last few days, 'writers block' I think they call it... a perfectly feasible explanation if I were indeed a writer but I'm not. I'm just a Dad who rambles now and then about his beautiful daughter – nope writers block it isn't. Perhaps I'm feeling the pressure to deliver some sort of perfect and profound post since becoming a MADS finalist?
In all honesty these are just excuses for why my train of thought has been knocked off kilter this last week or so. My mind has been stuck in a little rut consuming itself with those dreaded 'What ifs'...
What if I don't ever get used to the inevitable stares from the ignorant corners of society?
What if Rosie can't ever walk?
What if Rosie attends school and she's the only person in her class not to get a party invite?
What if she's bullied and picked on by her peers and she thinks they are her friends?
What if name calling leaves a lasting mental scar on her and/or her brothers?
What if she becomes too dependent when she's older?
What if I become so protective it affects her ability to become independent?
What if I can't do enough to help her reach her full potential?
What if I can't afford the extra classes or development tools she could really use to her benefit?
What if she does need that further heart surgery in her twenties?
What if...and the list goes on.
I'd do well to remind myself of all the 'what ifs' that spun around my head before she was born that never materialised and seem so daft now like, what if I can't bond with her, what if friends stop visiting etc...
This post doesn't really sit well with the blog title The Futures Rosie does it?! However I've always promised to be open/honest and this is where I am at this particular moment of writing.
I hope to look back on that list above one day when Rosie's older and laugh, maybe even feel a bit silly for ever worrying about them at all but for now its something I'm struggling with a little.
You'll be pleased to know that whilst I've had a wobbly few days Rosie has carried on as normal. Her brilliant sense of humour shining through as always and illustrated perfectly in the pictures below in her new glasses. xx